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Great Prose and Poetry by leyghan

literature. by the-chemical-factory

words by Lissomer


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Submitted on
April 27, 2010
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Floorboards creak; betrayal consumes the sleepless.
An attempt at an entry for DailyLitDeviation's Six Word Story contest. Meh, I was bored. (Not an uncommon occurrence, but, well, whatever.)

I kind of failed at expressing the idea I had for this; I really can't brain today. Oh well. As long as people can't sue for bad literature, I think I'm safe.

[link]

Update: Thank you so much for the honourable mention! I was having a pretty down-in-the-dumps kind of day so far, so when I saw that, it really brightened it up. I'm more than a bit stunned, to be honest, but at the same time, I'm truly honoured. (No pun intended.) So, um, yeah... At the risk of repeating myself, thanks a bundle!

(Grr, I really can't organise my thoughts in a coherent manner right now... Sorry! :S)
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:iconfarand:
farand Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2013
This is so profound, and it paints a very clear picture - not necessarily easy to do with six words. Bravo!
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:iconsecl4:
SeCl4 Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2013
Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it :)
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:iconmreid973:
mreid973 Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2010
I like this. It is interesting and personal -- and the mood lingers. It would make a good start to a short story.
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:iconsecl4:
SeCl4 Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2010
Aww, thanks! I totally cheated with the title, but there you go. :XD:
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:icon3wyl:
3wyl Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2010  Hobbyist Photographer
I think it's the way you went about the main subject matter / concept that made it more... I don't know, original?

The words fit together very well and it feels quite true as well, you know? I like how it can be so realistic and that... yeah, we ask ourselves the question of why this person feels sleepless, what they've done and so on.

Profound stuff, either way. :)
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:iconsecl4:
SeCl4 Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2010
Hey, thanks for the lovely comment. I'm glad that this piece made you feel something, because, to be honest, six words really isn't that big of a canvas to paint on, and I found it much more difficult than I'd thought it would be to try and express something in the space allotted.

I think I must have changed just about every word in it a dozen times without changing the actual meaning by much, if anything, just because nothing seemed to fit, and, honestly, I'm still not sure if I'm entirely happy with the result. This was a really cool exercise, though, and I'm glad that your group gave me the motivation to try it, because reading some of the other entries really helped me get just how important every word should be in a literary piece, and that six words can pack as much of a punch as pages of excessive prose.

Urgh. Sorry, I really can't organise my thoughts into a coherent and adequate answer to your comment. I guess I should probably stick to the simple "Thank you, and thank you again" that's been amply proven sufficient in the past. >.<
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:icon3wyl:
3wyl Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2010  Hobbyist Photographer
That's true. :nod:

Sometimes it is very difficult to squeeze in so much into so little. :D

Ah, that's fair enough. :)

Perhaps it'll get easier the more you try and practice?

No! It's ok. I think I get what you mean. :D

Naww... I like long comments myself, but... yeah, I'm not exactly the best in replying to them and stuff. ^^;

It's good, though. :)
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:iconkneelingglory:
KneelingGlory Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2010
Feeeeeeatured! :la: [link]
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:iconsecl4:
SeCl4 Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2010
Oh, thank you so much! <is happeh>

^^
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:iconrawpoetry:
RawPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2010   Photographer
This is wonderful. Deserved the win in my humble opinion. :)
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